Japan’s Penis Festival Is Hard To Beat

The Japanese have always been a horny lot. Any nation which invents vending machines where pervy men can purchase soiled panties is in its own unique way pretty out there when it comes to in-there. Japanese women are sought after worldwide for their beauty, elegance, mystery and sheer shagadelic cuteness. But what about the poor Japanese men? Their women rush off to the four corners of the globe to get pregnant to dubious Western caucasian characters, rarely ever to return unless broken-hearted, three kids in tow and riddled with sexual diseases. Well, fortunately Japanese men, whose penises are renowned for their impecuniary size and less-than-satiating width, make it all up to themselves by celebrating their very-own Penis Festival.


#かなまら祭 #kanamaramatsuri 2017

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For a few days each year the Japanese city of Kawasaki becomes famous not just for its motorbikes – but for its ebullient gathering of locals and curious foreigners who celebrate with gay abandon the joys of the cock.


#kanamaramatsuri #cockseverywhere #gottalovejapan #

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Forget the cliche cherry-blossom pics which resonate so colourfully from Japan this time of the year. Nay, the colours at Japan’s Penis Festival are far more memorable. How about every colour of the rainbow in the hardened form of phallic lolly-pops? Such cocks are ready for a sucking, ladies and gentlemen. Or for those who prefer a little longevity in their hardened penis, how about a cock-candle, promising hours of slow burn, especially prized by folks who like a little hot wax to go with their sexual delights.



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Of course the bigger the cock, the more the instagrams. For once Instagram, now owned by Facebook, manages to bypass its idiotic obsession with banning nipple-shots and any nudity whatsoever. Somehow these big pink penis shots, or hard firm wooden dicks, don’t get the chop.

To enjoy a rather extended period of chortles, our suggestion is to follow the hashtag #kanamaramatsuri on Instagram where you can contemplate a celebratory public side to human sexuality which doesn’t get much of a run in the West, nor so in Islamic countries. Ah those Japanese, they understand freedom!


#かなまら祭り #kanamaramatsuri 伝統的なのに外国人が多すぎてアナウンスも英語でした

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Our hero this year was cock-and-balls-man, who made a progressive stand for including all of the male genital region. For while it’s the penis that stands tall and gets all the attention, it’s the balls who most enjoy a tongue-bath at the end of a long hard day. Cock-and-balls-man, we salute you.


Just being a big dick today in 🇯🇵

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Japan’s Penis Festival illustrates to the world the harmonious superiority of the Japanese mindset. No wonder these people live longer than the rest of us. Their anti-ageing strategies include even a reverence for that most smegmatic underbelly object of Western-world derision, the “dick”. Such a pejorative word. But if you want to live longer, get a penis festival into you sometime soon. For this is a penis festival Japan is more than happy to share with the world. Arigato-gozaimasu.


Menudo festival! 😂 #PelandoNabos Daikon en el Kanamara Matsuri.

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