What’s your Penis really costing you?

Junk. A man’s best friend or worst enemy? You may know from experience that when left to its own devices junk has a tendency to pile up, to take up valuable space. No matter the human cost for now, that is between you and your therapist, take a load off imagine for a second what is the true dollar value of indulging your junk (street slang for penis) on a regular basis, if regular would pertain for example to 365 days a year over five or six decades?

Lets not beat around the bush, as expensive habits go the sexual pursuits of a real junkyard dog are up there with power boating and big game safari only the head of your prey need not be stuffed and mounted in your living room!  As a long time sexual predator and travelling junk salesman I can assure you my wallet has been laid bare, violated more times than the runt of a poodle litter. “Oh the horror” I moaned time and time again curled in a foetal position, quick, unintentional death by bank statement. Could junk bonds be the new currency of a monstrously deflated and morally bankrupt society? Honestly, how are we to afford the fruits of our most base human desires? And what does the future hold for us, sustainable model or limp strategy?

what's your junk costing you

Hell, finding love is expensive , costing the average adult male more than $10,000 annually. Pioneering research suggests it takes men and women more than five years of dating before they decide to get married during which they will spend an average of a fifty thousand dollars on dating. To break it down further, during the time period spent dating before finding a long-term partner, people will spend an average of $43.50 per date.

Of course that’s relatively cheap compared to the costs of indulging your penis’s most wandering desires by taking a sexual holiday to South-East Asia but most men realise that wasting money on Miss Wrong is not so fruitful in the mid to long-term.

But when separated by gender, the survey found men spend significantly more on dating. Of the men questioned, the average figure for the most they had spent on a date was $224, while the same figure for women was less than half at $93. However when it comes to the hidden costs of preparing to date, that’s where women’s costs soar as the costs of simply maintaining a vagina are quite excessive. What with vajaicals, vaginals and what-not …

A survey who spoke to 1,000 married people between the ages of 23- 36, found the most common dating activity was going for dinner, followed by going to the movies, lunch, a walk and making a meal and spending time at home. A romantic dinner also topped the list for the ideal date, followed by going to the movies, walking, traveling and sightseeing.

Three-quarters of those questioned said they preferred stationary dates such as dinner or a film rather than active or outdoor dates. Only 10 per cent said they like to play sports with their partner or new date. In terms of finding a date, one quarter met in a bar or nightclub, one in five through online dating and 35 per cent were set up by friends or colleagues.

More than half, 65 per cent, said the best way to greet a date is to say hi or hello. Two in five said a hug was best while 30 per cent preferred a handshake. On the loaded subject of paying for a first date, more than half said men should pay the cheque, while one per cent said women. Just over 20 per cent said it should be the person who suggested the date. 

More than 40 per cent said they decide who is paying for the date before the date, while just under a quarter said they work it out when the cheque comes. One in five men admitted they have performed the very cliche ‘pretending to stretch’ trick to make their first move on a date, while just over 20 per cent of men and women said they touch an arm or a knee to initiate closer contact

‘Making a great impression on a first date, whether that means covering the bill, a warm greeting or simply picking an interesting activity, can make all the difference in the early days of a relationship,’ suggests one research subject. “Money never sleeps” declares another.